LOPING, NOT LARPING! The Stirring Conclusion of the 1st BM Cassette Order

DESASTER - Hellfire's Dominion, Night Birds
German
Gongs get that slurred cooking pot tone
1/2 speed Art of Noise?
woah, 70s Italo horror w/budget of DOLLARI ZERO
oh, and then it begins
not so psyched about the vocals, but they seem to fit the 80s-ness of the whole affair
Judas Priest Blizzard Beast From the East Norwegian Tour t-shirts would be something else
they do dated well, but let's be honest about what that statement is actually saying

A.E.P./ABSTRAKT TORMENT split
oh fuck, here's that other AEP thing
the first one was all kindsa boring
[here is a drawing of a hunched figure with rectangular eyes, standing next to a road sign that says "STOOP" instead of "STOP"]
N O
I don't even care what Abstrakt Torment sounds like
my sleeping for the day is thruuuuuuuuuu
ltd 317 copies
I'm sure there's some smoky significance to that number
MMMBEE MUMBEY MUMMBE

YPERITE/CHAROGNE split, Infernal Kommando
French, again, so you know it'll be good
also includes both bands' first demos
cover is really dumb, I'm not gonna fool you
Yperite:
Sutek Conspiracy?!?!
Hirax fed through a toaster, or UT as a hardcore band
some Italian goth-wave influence that I can't quite get words/references around
suddenly that Furze record has context! what is happening in France?
samples of bad porn, air raid sirens, bombs dropped
drum mach
warbly prod, sort of slipping in and out of physical time
really dug this side
Charogne:
opens with an opera bootleg circa 1892--scalped that shit from Edison
I'd know what it's from if I knew those kind of things, but c'est la vie: I don't wear sandals with socks
I really dig all these blown-mind intros; kind of wish they got worked into the compositions of the rest of the records more--kinda like Korium did! Shit, gotta stop thinkin about Korium for a min or I'll stop listening to this...
production makes all the aggression pocket-sized
drums sound like irregular hummingbirds, seriously--barely audible, totally brilliant!
ever heard Vomited Broth? Progeria? or any of that mumbly pterodactyl grind? there you go
non-non-non-non-plussed
wow, i turned on that right-quick
why couldna this been one-sided?
fuck a Charogne

DEMONCY - Joined In Darkness, Ravenheart Records (Czech label)
ltd 500
ATL, my former home, prod'd these musty chaps
leathery bat wing logo
you know those late-night college radio extreme metal shows and all the shit where you wonder who cares or who listens or who puts so much effort into something that is such a non-event?
Demoncy are all of those bands
loping, unfocused, not really anything in any anyness
sorry guys, for a BM band from the south you coulda been mad evil-er--like
say
Sapthuran or Hills of Sefiroth
get out of the city and into the hills like the above
the mean streets of East Lake ain't teachin you squat

EXCESSUM - Death Redemption, Tour de Garde
Swedes
has that jumpiness of classic triumphant Swedish metaal--
mid-tempo parts are almost groovy
droopy-eyed melodies
the singer is speaking to his army in a burned out basement--dry, muffled, chalky
they know how to take a sound that has become sort of anonymous + make it theirs through odd sound techniques--the vox, for instance, totally rescue this for me
and the drums are snappy and poppy like burning sap
this is a grow-er

BESTIAL MOCKERY - Sepulchral Wrath, Unholy Horde Records
Swee-dish, again
2006 demo, ltd 666 and so on
this is really short
tapes are pro-printed, though, including the phrase "UNHOLY -- UNPURE -- UNTIGHT"
was a guy in my old neighborhood with something like the cover painted on the side of his tinted-window'd Dodge van with the teardrop bubble window and all
of course, i mean
south-cali hardcore guitar-work
exhibition metal--not to be confused with the actual deal
(cooperative, as opposed to full-contact??)
can't win wars with yaw-ning
can't win wars with yaw-ning
c'mon, this mess of tapes needs another gem

NAZROTH/PUTRIDE split
Nazroth: you-ess-ey!
Putride: toques and back-bacon!
wow, this is the most boring one yet
i can't even write about it
i will never think about this again

One to go. Can this lot be saved?

SATANIC WARMASTER - Carelian Satanist Madness, Tour de Garde
Finnish solo
originally unleashed on No Colours
SOOOOOOOOOO JAUNTY!
fuzzy elves swing cudgels to this like erryday
really goofy, so I'm assuming this is NSBM
cover is such a flea market t-shirt from Singapore, it's kind of incredible
if Hello Kitty were clinging to his gauntlets I'd say it actually was
he reaches deep down inside and finds bloody muppets
not the salvation I was looking for
still, it was funny

CONCLUDING SOME TERMS:
So it goes. This was obviously a gamble, but not without rewards. And I guess I'm addicted, cuz I placed another order with AQ for some more bm reels from the likes of Aufkrema (improvised black metal!), Geheimnis, Jabladav, and Varghkoghargasmal. I wait with baited breath and gnashing maw.